I miss her

I visited Tok's grave today. For the first time since she died, more than two years ago. I could not bring myself to go all this while. I missed her funeral by half an hour, and I just could not understand the decision that my uncle took to not wait for me, even when I was just a half hour away. I stayed with her since I was an infant, and they would not even wait for that long. It hurts me till these days. So I just could not go to the grave. But this morning I went, and I cried. I cried with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I just cried and cried. But I did not feel that I have released the grief within me, like what people said crying would do. No, none of that happened. The grief is still there, deep down there somewhere. And I don't think it will go away anytime soon.